The First Empty Nest
I enjoyed the craziness of having everyone home for Christmas break—making a mountain of cookies, singing carols, taking our annual road trip to Michigan to celebrate with Grandpa and Grandma. But now school is back in session, and the house is eerily quiet at 9:15 a.m. The second shift of kids has left for school, and I’m back to cleaning up the breakfast dishes.
I’ve had the precious gift of being a momma for 16 years. Due to the spacing of our kids, and a variety of schooling methods, someone has been at home with me every year. When our third-born was just entering kindergarten, I had a two-week-old baby in tow. I was starting over as my older three were in the midst of elementary school. But now six more years have passed, and for the first time, all of my children are in school. It’s been a new and different season—one filled with both fun adventures and surprising emotions.
I readily admit there’s a new freedom that comes with having a semi-empty house. What should I do first? Read a book, exercise, write, meet a friend for coffee, or attack the mountain of laundry? (Some things are more exciting than others). But at the same time, there’s a mix of emotions as I watch my little ones head out the door and trudge up the street in their winter boots and backpacks. This school year has been a game-changer. Some hours during the day have opened up for me and given me newfound freedom that I’ve enjoyed. Yet sometimes, I find myself reminiscing about snuggling on the couch with my littles, reading stories after lunch (my favorite part of the day for the past decade and a half).
Recently, I asked a mom of two college-age daughters what it’s like to have an empty nest. She candidly told me that it’s been a difficult change: “You go non-stop for years, driving to activities, going to games, getting breakfast ready—and then everything stops. The house is quiet. They don’t need me anymore.” Her words are a poignant reminder not to complain about the fullness of our life with four school-age kids, but to embrace this busy season as a gift that will one day come to an end.
The closing of a chapter is bittersweet. In some ways, from 9:00 a.m. to 3:45 p.m. seems like the first empty nest. It’s a transition from having little ones always by my side, to them being out of reach. It’s a time when I need to trust that God is able to meet their needs even when I’m not present. Parenting is a series of letting go, a series of trusting God with the children he has given us. Will I trust him to keep them safe while they’re at school? Will I trust him to provide a friend at the lunch table?
As moms, we like to think that we’re in control of all situations with our children. But the older my children become, the more I realize how much I’m not in control. I can’t see who they’re with at school. I can’t hear the words coming out of the teacher’s mouth. I don’t know if when faced with a moment of temptation, they’ll choose the straight and narrow path.
Trusting God with our kids means laying aside our fearful thoughts and choosing to accept that God is in control, not us. It means praying for them as they walk out the door and climb onto the bus, that God will protect not only their physical bodies, but their hearts as well. It’s trusting that the Scripture verses they’ve memorized will come to their minds when faced with a difficult situation. It’s praying that they’ll choose to show kindness to the classmate being left out of the group. And it’s giving grace when they fail our best expectations.
God has shown us his faithfulness countless times in the Bible—from leading the Israelites through the wilderness, to the miraculous birth of Isaac, to the promise of a Savior who came to save the world from sin. All we have to do is turn back the pages of Scripture to see the faithfulness of our good and loving Father. Numbers 23:19 says, “God is not man, that he should lie, or a son of man, that he should change his mind. Has he said, and will he not do it? Or has he spoken and will he not fulfill it?” God sees our children and has compassion on them. He sees our anxious hearts and longs for us to trust Him with these precious treasures.
Maybe you’re in a new season of parenting. Maybe your first child has started college. Or your last child has started kindergarten. Maybe you’re surrounded by toddlers and babies, wondering whether you’ll survive the little years. Or your school-age kids are just returning to their morning bus ride after a couple weeks home for Christmas. Either way, God gives us each season as a gift. Each new chapter is an opportunity to trust him for grace to hope and persevere. Be thankful for the chapter that you’re in. Bloom where you’re planted, and be eager for all that God has planned. Times of change aren’t seasons to dread, but times to look forward to with joyful anticipation.
“The Lord is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him.” Psalm 28:7