When It’s Hard To Forgive

Have you been hurt or mistreated by someone? In our fallen world, relationships with others can be hard. Strong words are spoken, jealousy creates division, even our closest family relationships can be wrought with pain.

This school year I studied the book of Genesis. The most vivid lesson to me is that of Joseph, giving grace upon grace to his brothers, his own flesh and blood who threw him into a pit, sold him into slavery and cast him out of the family. He had every right to be angry or depressed, to want to pay back evil for evil.

But instead, when the perfect opportunity arose to make his brothers suffer, he gave them grace.  As they came begging for food during the famine, he provided for them. He invited the entire family with all of their livestock to dwell near him in the land of Goshen (Genesis 45:10). He would provide abundantly for the very people who nearly killed him. And not one hint of bitterness remained.

Joseph understood the sovereignty of God. He trusted God’s plan, even amid the suffering in his life. His family relationships had been torn from him, he was imprisoned, cast into slavery in a foreign country. But God was with him and blessing him in the midst. When Joseph revealed himself to his begging brothers, he wanted to calm their fears and show them God’s plan. Three times he said to them, “So it was not you who sent me here, but God” (Genesis 45:5, 7, 8). He knew God had sent him to save the people from famine, and he wasn’t about to punish his brothers or harbor bitterness for the wrong they had done.

It struck me that none of the brothers apologized or asked for forgiveness until 17 years later when their father, Jacob, died. Then they selfishly worried that Joseph might try to get even, and they begged for forgiveness (Genesis 50:17-18). But in Joseph’s compassionate and gracious way, he reminded them of God’s truth…

“Do not fear, for am I in the place of God? As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today.” Genesis 50:20

How often do we withhold forgiveness from someone because they’ve done something hurtful to us and never apologized? They never asked for forgiveness, so we nurse our wounds and hold a grudge. Joseph’s example pushes me to examine the hurts in my own life, to trust God’s sovereignty in the most difficult times. And to freely forgive, knowing that even our most painful experiences have been orchestrated by the Lord to draw us to Himself. When we freely forgive those who have wounded us, we are modeling the love of our Savior.