20 Things I’ve Learned In 20 Years Of Marriage
20 years ago I married my best friend- the football player who saved a seat on the bus for me, the one who awkwardly drove over the curb on our first date (both of us pretending we didn’t notice), the one I shared my hopes and dreams with over hamburgers and fries. Seven moves and four babies later, he’s still my favorite person to be with. 20 years ago my childhood bedroom was filled with wedding gifts when I arrived home from the airport. I panicked when I learned that Ben had missed his flight home to MI just two days before the wedding. But thankfully, another plane left in 12 hours! And he was home just in time. A lot has changed since those lovesick young kids got married, but our love is stronger and deeper after walking through the mountains and valleys together. Here are 20 things I’ve learned in 20 years of marriage…
Marriage is full of surprises. My best-made plans are rarely the plans God has made for us. His ways are higher than ours.
Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger. James 1:19
Thank your spouse often- for the little things (like taking out the trash) and for the big things (like working hard to support the family).
Make time for romance and intimacy- something you’ll never regret doing!
Pray for your spouse daily.
Learn to laugh at the hard things of life together.
Look for ways to support each other’s goals and dreams.
Remember that you are on the same team.
Support each other’s parenting decisions- “if Dad said no, then I say no.”
Race to be the first to apologize when there has been sin or a misunderstanding.
Affirm your spouse publicly.
The most difficult trials will be the greatest bonding agents in your marriage.
If you ask for help, be grateful for the help received- even if it’s not “my way” of doing things.
Be interested in what your spouse is interested in- Ben learned to swing dance in college because it was something that I loved! I attempted skiing.
Be affectionate daily- in both actions and words.
Listen well- put your phone down, make eye contact and hear the words without contemplating your response.
Ask each other good questions- “What is God teaching you in your Bible study? How can I pray for you? What are you struggling with? How can I help you?”
Date each other regularly.
Prioritize your marriage over the kids, over your work, over the house projects. Our calendars and checkbooks should show that we’re willing to invest in our marriages.
Give grace often- remembering the grace shown to us through the love of our Savior. I married way better than I deserved.